Grandmothers are Grand!

If many celebrations are in the offing now, it is a ‘crime’ not to celebrate grandmothers’ day. Reminiscing of love in the family, the figure of a grandmother stands clearly. Grandparents, especially grandmothers, are remembered for the love they shower on the grandchildren. Why? Obligation of rearing up the children is the primary role of parents. The provision for financial requirements belongs to the parents, hence grandparents are left to supplement these and concentrate on the loving relationship with the apos. This may be different for some families for various reasons.

I look back on how true my words are when my lola died in Iloilo. It was a rare experience to ride in an airplane more than half a century ago. But I convinced my husband to go back to Iloilo for her burial bringing along our 10-month old baby girl. My husband and I were employees only, hence you could imagine the large proportion of our salary which went to our plane fare in flying to Iloilo.

I am very sure never could two grandmothers be the same and mine was outstanding in courage, patience, love and acceptance of persons, docility and trust in the Lord. It was said that during the second world war, the Japanese soldiers would go to houses to look for Filipino soldiers hiding. My Lola would simply sit down in the porch, smoking her tobacco calmly. Who will not admire such a person for her calmness, courage and trust in the Lord?

My grandfather had a compulsion for cleanliness in using so much water in taking a bath and splashing the bathroom after bathing. I remember how the owner of the house they were renting would be so irritated and maybe even angry about it but I never heard an unkind word from her. She told my mother during vacation time for us grandchildren to stay with them in the city. I suppose she knows we love to eat and therefore saw to it that we were fed well. Being with them during summertime brings back happy memories with my grandfather and grandmother.

My admiration of grandmothers came distinctly during these decades of OFWS. In many shows where contestants are asked for whom do they owe their success, many of them, if not more of them, would say – their grandmothers. More than ten percent of the Filipinos are OFWs and more than half of them are women. Then, we could say five million of the families have their children raised by their lolas. This is a tremendous added contribution of grandmas to the nation, especially in the growth and development of the children. If single parents are given benefits by law, the grandmas doing the job of rearing the children of OFW deserve the same privileges too.

Lately, approximately for three decades, grandmas who are joining the ranks of senior citizens are retired employees. I belong to this group. At age sixty, they are still healthy and strong and you would see them still active in church, pursuing their hobbies, or visiting children and relatives abroad. It is a joy to pursue what we want to do without the rigor of a full time job. For many employees, the lump sum retirement amount especially when used by the family for other needs, maybe consumed soon leaving the grandma with very small pension not even enough for medicine. The Filipino value system where the children earning are giving their parents financial support heartily is useful. This cultural trait must continue. The pension is so small and is not enough for the needs of a grandma.

Grandmas are loved by the family and there are different ways of showing this. Due to failing eyesight and loss of balance, grandmas need to have a hand or arm to hold. The force is only small just to maintain the balance. Helping her when she goes up and down a vehicle is helpful. And in walking, someone walking with her, rather than leaving her behind is a desirable sight. In eating, she cannot reach the dish, so offering to get it for her is appreciated. Greeting her when entering and saying goodbye when leaving the house makes her feel loved and cared for. Inviting her to celebrations and bringing home tokens for her fill her life with surprises.

Just when seniors were allowed to travel, I went to Laguna to live with my apos. They are already almost all adults and have parents who work hard and stay with them on weekends for bonding but I want to have my presence felt in the family before they leave their home for their career later. In fact, before the Covid pandemic, the eldest was already staying in a condo near the university where he was studying. I stayed with them for three years transferring to Davao only this January because of my high blood pressure which treatment is easier here in Davao. I admit I am two generations apart from them especially with the digital technology. When they talk, I just keep on listening even if I cannot join the conversation. I pick on the right time to call their attention to something I wish to correct or improve and not in the presence of anyone. I am generous with my praise. I act in a cautious way so that they would continue to listen to me.

Since I have abundant free time when with them and still healthy, I helped them with their light chores. My main concern was to show that there is dignity in labor and that they should be able to take care of themselves when living away from home. The eldest is now working and staying in a condo near the office and is comfortable doing so. He let me see his room and was apologetic for some items in the room not properly arranged. I told him not to be worried about it.

With my limited budget, I remembered their birthdays, gave them additional allowance sometimes. When I left them, it was satisfying to hear from them that they miss me. I see some improvement on their generally good behavior with the time I spent with them. I am amused for them to say that they want me present in their weddings someday.

May we, grandmothers, permeate our homes with a more loving atmosphere. We are to our apos as St. Anne was for Jesus. May we be counted as their guardian angels without wings here on earth.

Isn’t that grand?