Allowing ourselves to be loved

Fr. Francis Alvarez, SJ, in his homily on a Holy Thursday Mass, emphasized the four-level challenge that is central in the ritual of the washing of the feet:

• First level – Allow ourselves to be washed;
• Second level – Wash the feet of someone you know;
• Third level – Wash the feet of the people you don’t know; and
• Fourth level – Wash the feet of the people you don’t like.

Each level has its own interpretation and degree of difficulty, but for this article, I will focus on the first level– allowing ourselves to be washed. The first level seems to be the easiest one, but as the priest went on with his interpretation, it turned out to be the hardest one. Allowing ourselves to be washed means allowing somebody to love and serve us in a way that we do not dictate. It is about surrendering control. Hence, it is not only hard or awkward, but sometimes it breeds conflict. This can be related to some couples having marital problems due to disparity of love languages.

Personally, I express my love through acts of service. I can pick up the laundry, wash the car, water the plants, clean the house. Yet sometimes, these become unnoticed when my wife desires for quality time and undivided attention.

How do we reconcile each other’s differences in love language? It is through the application of the first level challenge: We allow ourselves to be loved according to one’s love language and be loved in the best way we are capable of.

I am sometimes surprised since I see my wife’s love language in the least expected moments; when I am watching a movie, there are scenes that highlight the love that I get from her. For example, these two movies were imprinted in my heart and mind:

First, the hilarious court scene in the 1992 movie entitled: “My Cousin Vinny” amuses me the most. Vincent “Vinny” Gambini (Joe Pesci) played as the defendant’s lawyer who happened to be his cousin. Vinny, a struggling lawyer who had only recently passed the bar exam after several unsuccessful attempts and ignorant to basic courtroom procedures and dress code that caused the judge to repeatedly hold him in contempt (Thanks, Wikipedia!), won his first case through the help of his fiancée Mona Lisa Vito (Marisa Tomei). The climax of the movie was at the time when a surprise witness testified that the pattern and chemical analysis of the tire marks left at the crime scene are identical to the tires on the defendant’s car. His fianceé, Lisa, who happened to be a car mechanic, came to the rescue and discredited such testimony by explaining the basic concepts of independent rear suspension and positraction.

Why do I love this movie? I am not a lawyer, but I have my own “Vinny” or silly ways of handling frustrations in life/career. And I have my own version of Lisa Vito (my wife) who’s always ready to offer timely, smart and practical solutions to seemingly complicated situations.

Second, the scene from the 1997 Drama/Indie Film entitled “Good Will Hunting” touches my heart and soul. When Will (Matt Damon) asks Mr. Sean Maguire (Robin Williams): “When did you know that she was the right one for you?” Sean answers confidently: “Oct. 21, 1975”.

I paused, and pondered and became worried a bit because I could not vividly recall when the specific time was that I felt my wife was the right one. Maybe, it was during our college days when I courted her or when we encountered and surmounted tough times in our lives. The problem is that I could not even remember then asking that corny question at all; neither of us could remember. However, it dawned on me that, sometimes, the answer is being revealed in ordinary moments in our lives.

One time, I witnessed and endured a tormenting 2-hr (yet felt like 8) “acting workshop” a.k.a. tantrum by our 1 year and 8 months daughter. It was on that moment that I reconfirmed the answer to my question- Why her? Because at that moment she has shown patience where I did not.

Movies are larger than life, but as we go deeper on the message of acceptance of love from one another, it brings us back to God’s mysterious ways of loving us – our relationship with God. Sometimes, we dictate God to love us based on our standard. We do not allow Him to love us in His own ways and it becomes a major obstacle in our participation in Christ’s mission of love and service. I admit, I am also guilty of this.

In our own moments of questioning God’s love and response to our prayers about financial difficulties, long-standing relationship problems, and challenges in health, our deep yearning for answers is magnified. Truly, God’s love is incomprehensible and oftentimes the answer to our prayer is to endure the painful process as He journeys with us, to be able to cultivate faith, patience, and reverence to Him. (Francis Manayan)