The Life of a Seaferer’s Wife

Lino, my late husband, became my boyfriend when I was in 3rd year college, that was in 1971. Then when I started working 2 years after, he had to be away for 2 years to work in a big logging company overseas (in Indonesia). Fast forward, 2 years after, in March 1, 1975, we got married and our honeymoon was cut short as he had to leave again, for Indonesia. My loneliness, for the first time he worked in Indonesia, was tripled but I told myself “Kaya ko ito” (I can do this!). I got pregnant with my first son and gave birth via CS section on Dec. 25, 1975 in the absence of Lino. In 1978 he finally ended his contract in Indonesia and came home for good. One important event I cannot forget in his homecoming was when my son who was already about 3 years old then, asked me “Kinsa man nang tawo Ma?” (Who is that guy, Ma?).

In August of 1978 my journey as a seafarer’s wife began. While in Indonesia, with the encouragement of his friends and crew of the tugboat of the logging company, Lino was already preparing the necessary documents to work on an overseas vessel. He did not waste time because as soon as he secured his seaman’s book and passport, he applied for employment on a ship plying Davao/Japan/Davao and Davao/Middle east/Davao in August 1978.

As a seafarer’s wife, I faced various challenges, one being that I would have to deal with problems that may arise and emotional ups and downs, without the support of my seafaring partner. Back then, communication was difficult. It was not as easy as a click of a button as what is made possible by internet these days, so managing a long distance relationship was also another challenge back then. Everyone has their own way of coping with the loneliness. In my case, my job and serving the church pretty much kept me busy and occupied that I didn’t have to go through separation anxiety that much. My children are my strength. I had to be strong for them. Raising children is hard in itself, much more for 3 boys. It was a great help too to have my parents, father in-law and sister in-law around during my kids’ formative years. They helped share the burden in disciplining and looking after my kids, I am truly grateful for that. But in spite of being away most of the time, I can say with confidence that my husband was able to instill a good father figure to our 3 sons. He made sure to spend quality time with them and shared with them practical life lessons, specially his life at sea. I am thankful that our children were able to pick it up and valued all their father’s sacrifices, though not everything was perfect along the way, but they were able to graduate, every parent’s dream, and now have their own families. In fact, one of my sons, my eldest, followed their father’s footsteps and became a seafarer too.

Sadly, Lino left us and joined our Creator last year. It was very devastating for us. He was just starting to enjoy the fruits of his labor, but he was cut short. Still here are learnings I want to share with you all and hoping it can help.

1. PRAYER: When my husband started working abroad, I did not miss a single day without praying for him especially for his safety and protection from dangers at sea, good health, guidance in his work in the engine room, good working relationship with his co-workers on board. During holy mass, I pray to God to unite me with my husband in spirit since most of the time, he is not able to attend mass. At home, I gather my children to pray the rosary with me and teach them to pray for their Papa.
2. COMMUNICATION. You don’t have to shoulder all the burden on your own. It feels much better to share it with your husband. He might not be there physically but his inputs are as important as yours. In today’s day and time where internet makes communication fast and easy, you can work as a team not just in resolving problems that may arise but also in raising your children. It can be just a video call away so take advantage of technology.
3. GET EMPLOYED. Though this might not be true for everyone but I am speaking for myself. Having been employed (for 24 years) helped me overcome the loneliness part. You are lucky today, you have an option to work from home. It makes it possible for you to work in the comforts of your home while taking care of your children. It’s like hitting 2 birds in 1 stone so you might want consider that. Plus, it also feels good to get to earn your keep.
4. SAVE UP. You don’t want to go splurging on unimportant things. Instead, invest as much as you can on profitable things. Make it your goal to have your seafarer husband retire sooner. Working on board takes a toll on their health brought by stress, lack of sleep, exposure to some chemicals and unhealthy food. Add to that,the emotional stress they have to endure specially during important occasions. And most importantly, the dangers they have to face while on board.
5. ENJOY EACH MOMENT. If there’s one lesson COVID has taught us, is that life is too short. Spend as much quality time as you can when your husband is home on vacation. It’s funny how a virus made the entire world come to a stop for us to figure out what really matters. Yes, it’s important to put bread on the table, but it’s as important to keep your heart fed with the things that it really wants. COVID made us take a step back, think, understand and appreciate what it means to live and not just survive. Go build happy memories with your family. At the end of the day, it’s the only thing that can’t be stolen from you when everything else is gone.

The life of a seafarer is not a walk in the park but together, you can make it work smoothly. And always pray for God’s guidance. It’s the best advice I can give you.

Thank you and more power to all Seafarers! They are a hero on their own.

I thank God for giving me a responsible, loving and God- fearing seafarer husband, who was not afraid to take risks for the good of his family.

Thank you Bai for securing our future. We love you. I miss you. Happy birthday in heaven. Till we meet again. (Bing Micayabas)