He’s everything, but

I didn’t have the perfect father but he was the best. To some, he was very strict, to others he was funny and lenient, to me he’s everything, but he’s gone.

My dad died right before father’s day seven years ago. He had water in his lungs which he kept from us and was only revealed the day before his death. We were all in shock, I was so used to him admitting himself in the hospital and going home just before sunrise. But on that day, June 8 he didn’t, I got a wakeup call from my mom asking me to go to the hospital because Papa will be intubated and placed under intensive care. Crying, I knocked at my sister’s house which was next door, I was so afraid that we’d lose him. So we did, I did, but he was the best.

He was the first to groom my brows when I became a teenager. He would buy me clothes, shoes without even taking me to the mall. Once, when I had to attend a children’s summit at Malacañan, he packed me one huge suitcase filled with costumes and evening wear. I was his glam doll.

Not only was he my stylist, he was also my coach. My public speaking coach. He taught me how to act, to speak, to be confident and to please a crowd. He was everything, but he’s gone.

When I got very sick, he and mom were under hundreds and thousands of debts, but they never did show the burden to me, I lived well. Papa was so good at keeping things, hiding, sealing. He was everything, but he’s gone.

Not once did I feel adopted, not once. Even during the time, I told him I already knew. He was dead silent for quite some time, then a tear fell on his cheek. He then managed to whisper “wala may magbag-o.” I thought, he was scared, he got scared that I’d leave him, I’d leave them. But I didn’t, I mean why would I?

I got the best [dad], he was the best, but he’s gone. It took me years to face this reality. To lose a loved one, to lose your number one fan, to lose that one man who loves you unconditionally, is life-changing. Several times did I wish he’d just be somewhere and I’d see him across the street.

But no, he’s gone.

Yes he is, but today his memory lives.