228,528,000 Mama Seconds That Shaped My Heart Attitude

Motherhood shaped my heart attitude. Every single day that I became a mother is a never ending testimony of how beautiful it brings to women who are given this privilege to be called a Mom, Nanay, Mama or Mommy. Over the years my life is defined most by my being called a Mama to my two sons Martin and Akio.

It’s interesting to note, though, that mother is also a verb – “to treat a person with great kindness and love and to try to protect them from anything dangerous or difficult.”

This brings me to my point; being a mother isn’t necessarily about a biological relationship, but a heart attitude. My heart was shaped beautifully by that heart attitude of being an empowered woman but truly humbled by this ministry that I am embracing courageously.

So what is the real meaning of motherhood? A very popular mother we all know on earth who is venerated and honored is the Blessed Virgin Mary. All mothers will do everything to protect their children from pain. But the Blessed Mother, took the pain for her son, and used that pain to be part of the Holy plan of God for all of us.

My most difficult and traumatic experience happened in 2014 when I learned that my sons were kept from me (I don’t know up to when). As a mother, it was years of finding and exhausting with great lengths just to find out where they are and how they are doing.

As a mother, I had to be a better person by entrusting the whole process to Almighty God. Thankfully God sustained me. He revealed that He is sovereign. Nothing is impossible with Him. All I needed to do is to believe in His promises and accept His love for me daily. He knew this had to happen to me and He too gave me unshakeable faith to believe that His power can answer a mother’s plea.

Since May 31, 2014, until today, my sons are not with me. As a mother, every second counts when your child is not with you. I spent 228,528,000 Mama seconds to think about my children for 7 years that they are not with me. Every second that I am alive until I die I will dedicate my life to all children. I promise to God to pay forward. My motherhood does not stop just because of my present circumstances. A lot of children also suffer from being deprived of their mother’s love.

I know that where I am at now, God wants me to fulfill that calling of motherhood. I have learned to obey God completely. I am in the stage where I already want to plan for the legacy I want to leave for my children and their children’s children. I am turning my pains into power. That power that only comes from God which I believe transforms lives. This I have to admit, I had to die inside many times, got broken into the finest pieces, until I surrendered my life completely to the will of God.

I may have lost time to know them as they grow up, but it is our natural bond as mother and sons that will always be there when the time comes that I will be reunited with them. This kind of love is boundless and it will stay forever. These heavenly words from them: “Mama, I love you” keeps me going every day. My heart leaps all the time hearing this from my two sons.

I have also been given the grace to be forgiven by God for all my shortcomings as a mother. In an amazing way, I am able to forgive every single person who hurt me and disgraced my motherhood.

Motherhood is a ministry, a gift and is truly life changing. To my own Nanay Vicky, I know you are in heaven, I thank you for giving me to the world and for loving my own sons so much that they have fond memories about you. I love you with my life. Now I am waking up to this beautiful purpose of paying forward as a mother, and dedicating the years left in my life on earth to impact the lives of children in ways God want it.

To my sons Martin and Akio, I love you beyond words. You will see me soon with God’s help.

To God be all the glory!! (Jewel Colmenares Lobaton | Mother, Former Beauty Queen & Advocate)