A Life at Sea

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”
– Isaiah 41:10

When asked to write for the seafarers week celebration, my heart started to pound very fast. Why? It is because the seafarers and their life and struggles will always find a special place in my heart. The seafarers life and the numerous stories you hear from people are most often far from the reality that a seafarer and his family truly experience. The financial gains and luxury if ever there is are just but icing on the cake. The life of loneliness, uncertainties and sacrifices are what is hidden from the public eye.

Being a seafarer’s wife is a very challenging situation and it is much more intensified by being a mother of two and a man of the house while my husband is away.

It all starts from the moment I bring him to the airport. Every step on the way seems to get heavier and heavier and every tear that I have tried so hard to hide starts rolling endlessly down my cheeks without me even knowing it. I hide my tears with the hope that by doing so, my husband will not feel sad and I hide my tears so that I will not be a burden to his worried soul.

My mind and heart is shouting inside me. I want everything to stand still even for a moment so that I could just be with my husband for a longer time. Yes! It is at this point that I am calling on God silently and praying deep within me fervently that He gives me strength as I face another cycle of months of being alone, full of fears, anxieties and uncertainties. I pray silently that God will keep my husband safe in the shadows of His love and in the bounty of His mercy. I pray to God that He takes away all these negative feelings and all uncertainties. In life nobody wants to be uncertain because when things are uncertain it makes us feel not secure. But that is how life is if your husband is a seafarer. The seafaring job is a job full of uncertainties. The moment you set foot on the ship, life becomes uncertain. You sail on to the vast sea. You face more than a dozen of storms and roaring tides ready to swallow the very breathe of life you so dearly hold. Life is uncertain because you will never know the family you leave behind and the reason why you chose to be at sea will still be there when you come back. But then again a choice has to be made and you made the choice to hurdle the unknowns of the sea so that justly, the family you love gets to have more than enough of what life could offer.

These uncertainties are also shared by the seafarers families especially the wife in whose shoulder lies the burden to make the kids feel secure even if their dad is away. Countless and sleepless nights will then follow. Days would become longer and mornings are what you hope for because you then start counting the days when you will see your husband again. Every phone ring is very important, every messenger notification is a gift and you find yourself running towards your phone with so much excitement. Every second of call is paid for by the dollars so that when your husband calls you, every important news should be ready on hand. You should learn to talk very fast and make each second of phone call count with only what is important. I say this with emphasis because when seafarers are out to the sea, internet signal is a very precious commodity. It is not always readily available.

You will get used to having a lot of missed calls or even if the call was answered, the unstable internet connectivity has ended it even before you knew that the call started. Yes, internet signal is very hard to find when you are at the sea. You are indeed one lucky guy if you get to sign on a ship with a stable internet connection even though it is very expensive.

Then here comes the special occasions like Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, new year, and other numerous celebrations and family gatherings where expectedly families get together and spend some bonding time but also the time you wished would never come because it makes you realize all the more that you feel alone and you wish that your family is complete to celebrate these occasions with you… you wished your husband would be there to celebrate it with you. This is a normal scenario for a seafarers wife.

Emergencies happen and your husband is never there and it is not his fault. For sure, he feels helpless as well to know that there is an emergency and he could not be with you to help you out, comfort you and somehow make you , the kids and the family feel secure.

Once again you face the realities of life at sea — it is uncertain.

Nothing is certain at sea, not even one second is. Your life will always depend on whether or not you were able to weather the storm and perils of the sea.

But hope is never gone. This hope my husband and I are holding on to is the hope that God brings to our life and to the lives of our children. We continuously pray hard and prayer is our only weapon for everything that is uncertain. We would both get down on our knees in prayer , – him at sea and me on land, we would surrender to God all those things that makes our hearts and minds restless. When we pray life becomes a lot easier although uncertainties are still there. God somehow knows how to comfort each one of us in a very special way and in a way in accordance with our needs. Prayer makes us feel that we are not alone in our journey and in our battles in life whatever it may be. When we pray it doesn’t mean that GOD with his magic wand will make fear, loneliness and uncertainty go away in just a blink of an eye. It simply means that prayer gives us inner peace and it is the peace that God brings to each one of us who calls on him in prayer. God is with us and this is what prayer tells us. He is near and He is ever with us . I share this in the light that all those who suffer from the same feelings as I do and whose life brings them a lot of fears and uncertainties will always find inner peace with GOD through the powers of PRAYER. (Gwendeline Panes Rodulfa)

(Weng Rodulfa is a seafarer’s wife and a mom of two. She is passionate about writing and loves to share her thoughts on life, love, family and God and is currently preparing for a life in the legal profession.)