Forgiveness

Dear KNOT,

Ako po si Rosalie, 24 years old, at teacher sa isang public school. Mag-iisang taon pa lang po ako sa larangan ng pagtuturo. Kasabay ko sa unang araw ng trabaho si Isabel, isa ring teacher na nag-apply sa school na inaplayan ko rin. Halos sabay-sabay kami sa pag sumite ng mga requirements, sa pagkain ng lunch, at sa mga school events, kami talaga ang partner. Itinuring ko na siya na matalik kong kaibigan.

Ngunit dumating po ang araw na hindi ko inaasahan. Nagkaroon ng di pagkakaintindihan sa paaralan, at dahil doon ay na-offend sa akin si Isabel.

Hindi niya na po ako pinapansin. Ibang titser na po ang kanyang kinakasabay sa pagkain. Nagchat ako sa kanya, ngunit hindi man lang niya ako sineen. Ang sabi sa akin ng co-teacher namin, hinding-hindi na raw niya ako mapapatawad. Sa aking palagay, hindi naman masyadong mabigat ang nagawa ko para masabi niya iyon sa kasamahan namin. Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?

Nagmamahal,
Rosalie

* * * * * *

Dear Rosalie,

Misunderstandings are common between best friends. The closer you are with each other, the more vulnerable you are to hurts and pains because you tend to share deeper parts of yourselves. You become more sensitive to each other’s reactions or shortcomings. This is a normal experience.

In any relationship, COMMUNICATION is its lifeblood. Misunderstandings can be ironed out with dialogue, where both parties are open and willing to lay down their cards in order to listen to each other’s side of the issues at hand. Nobody has the monopoly of the truth, hence, it is important to be non-judgmental during this dialogue. It is always a risk to disclose part of ourselves, especially our feelings, to someone from whom we expect understanding. There is that element of fear of rejection because it hurts.

It takes a lot of courage and humility to admit one’s shortcomings, to seek forgiveness and be able to forgive the other and start all over again in your journey as friends. This is how you grow in friendship. However, if one party is not yet ready for a dialogue, then one has just to respect this space. Time heals. Forgiveness is a process and does not happen at a snap of a finger. It cannot be forced from someone but freely given to you. In your case, it is your choice to forgive and let go, to free yourself of this pain and move on. Cherish the friendship you have and meantime, continue to pray for each other’s healing as you draw out lessons from this experience. In God’s time, who knows, reconciliation will happen. God bless you. – DJ Cheng & Ate Emily