Mother dear, paano mag-alaga sa ‘yo?

Dear KNOT,

Early morning last month, I called up home to greet my Mom and with her frail but steady voice she sang to me:

“Mother dear I love you and you love me too
you are my dearest playmate
that I ever knew
though I’m not very big I’m old enough to know
that I’m very happy because you love me so…”

Oops…ako sana ang dapat kumanta nito para sa kanya.

Napaiyak tuloy ako. That’s my mother dear; at age 86 she’s still able to draw out from her bag of surprises what can either make you laugh or cry. Fact is, her body is weak: she can’t get up on her own, is partly deaf, with blurry vision, has only four dentures left, needs to be spoon fed with blended or mashed food, has osteoporosis (worsened when a lumbar was fractured after a fall 2 years ago), has curved spinal column, slight Parkinson’s… etc.

In other words she needs 24-hour caregiving or pag-alaga. Every move she wants to do, needed assistance. Paano mag-alaga ng isang ina? How do you take care of your own mother? What to do? What do you feel? We’ve voluminous books and magazines on how to’s for baby care, but to care for a mother? especially if she is helpless and disabled? Halos wala.

However, here, based on my family and personal experiences (whenever I go home for vacation), let me count the ways…

1. Like a baby. A friend of mine advised me to treat her like you should, a baby. A lot of nurturing, gentle touch, slow motion, ‘dahan-dahan lahat.’ And since you’re looking after a ‘baby,’ enjoy that moment. Madali sabihin pero mahirap gawin. But, when I tried to change my attitude, gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. Eto pala ang pakiramdam ng isang ina. Kahit exhausted ka, my sense of satisfaction.
2. Patience. Kahit na mag-demand sya, “bangon-upo-lakad konti-balik, tayo, upo, jingle, punas; gutom ako, paypayan mo ‘ko, suklayin ang buhok, masahiin ang paa, kailangan attention agad. There is no dull moment. Always all eyes, feet and muscles ka sa kanya. Parang gusto mo nang mag-give up, pero pasensya. Siya ang medyo pasyente, kaya full time nurse ka rito.
3. Family stories. My Mom has a clear historical memory. She can remember a litany of names, dates, birthdays, dead members of the clan, friends (including our friends then and now), her pupils! and many stories of her ancestors. K’wentuhan kayo. I saw how her eyes glowed remembering her childhood, her Chinese grandfather and grandmother of Spanish descent. It also makes me think, kaya pala ganito ako, kaming magkakapatid kasi yong lahi namin, tsino, castilaloy, pero di lahat namana ’yong pagka negosyante o ang tangos ng ilong! Masaya magpakwento ng family stories, family tree and tradition ninyo.
4. Prayers. Most of her waking time, nagdadasal sila ng father ko. Both never tire of praying the rosary. Alas 4 pa lang ng umaga nagsasagutan na sila ng Hail Mary. Pagka 6pm naman, as soon as she ‘hears’ the crickets, she starts the Angelus to which you must follow kaagad. At ’yong family rosary sa gabi kahit sila lang dalawa ng father ko. Pero lalo silang contento kung kasali kaming lahat sa bahay. Hard-core devotees din sila ng Sacred Heart of Jesus. Walang katapusan yong novena nila lalo na kung may sinabi kang intention na ipagdasal nila. Praying together, not only strengthens you as a person or caregiver, but keeps the family together! Kung may pananampalataya sa Dios, may pag-asa at lakas ang buhay.
5. Joy, laughter. Hindi madali to hold on to joy pag masyado kang stressed out especially sa pag-alaga ng isang tao. But if you try to find joy deep in your heart, makikita mo ring you have reasons to be happy. Mahal ko sa buhay ang kaharap ko. I can simply keep still and thankfully count my blessings for the life God gave me through her (10 of us her kids), for her sacrifices, love and countless acts of caring and inner strength she has inspired in me. It is also good to inject humor from time to time to spice up your life. Mom gets tickled when we surprise her with laughing bags, flowers, musical cards or box for presents, at lalo na pag may folded cash sa bulsa nya. Tireless sa patawa si “Billy bass,” a rubber fish that sings “Don’t worry, be happy” and wags its tail when you pass by or clap your hands near it. We enjoy those puns and jokes that she often blurts out to us. Sounds like your heart sings with joy and beats healthily pag may tawanan.

There may be a lot of ways to find caregiving to a mother more of a blessing than a burden. The most important of all is the love that flows from both mother and child, and all the loved-ones around her.

After singing that tune to me, Mother dear… she asked me, Nen, do you love me? Gulat ako sa tanong nya. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve heard such a question. Aba, siempre! Sagot ko kaagad. Todo, todo gid? From head to toe? follow-up pa nya, as if needing more assurance. I couldn’t contain my tears of joy and puzzlement. Talagang, talaga, with all my heart and soul! sabi ko ulit. Then she exclaimed, Mabuhay!

There’s much wisdom why she sang that song to me. I’ve learned that regardless of age, a mother also needs to be nurtured, affirmed and given utmost care, and needs to hear that sweetest, sincerest sound ever, I love, you. “Thank you, Mom, for allowing me to experience motherhood and allowing yourself to be a lovable baby.” – Nena

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Salamat Nena. Tune in tayo sa KNOT sa DXGN 89.9 Spirit FM araw-araw, 1-3 pm. Visit www.davaocatholicherald.com for more stories of hope and love.