The monastery of the Transfiguration revisited

“Why did YOU not tell me Berting will die that day?! We are friends, we talk everyday and he was getting better!” That was my anguished cry to JESUS twenty one years ago. I went to the Monastery of the Transfiguration in Malaybalay Bukidnon with my mother for answers.

An OSB nun came who listened to my pain. Gently and clearly, she showed me the Hand of GOD in my husband’s death — the time, the manner, the prayers. That day, we did not just pray our family’s usual Divine Mercy chaplet and the holy rosary, but many other unplanned prayers I was led to say — non-stop from 3 PM to 6:30 PM when Berting died.

Fast forward. First week of June, I joined an intensive meditation retreat (IMR) of HEARTSPACE. It was a week of quiet.

Wake up call was at 2:45 AM. At set times, except for compline, we prayed daily with the monks matins, lauds, Holy Mass, sexts and vespers. In between, we had meditations and our personal devotional prayers, the whole time — silently and individually.

Being alone with GOD was initially uncomfortable. What is there to tell HIM, HE has my heart and knows every thing. All grace for good work come from HIM, so there was nothing to impress HIM with. As the quiet deepened, I felt getting smaller in stature, but at the same time, felt as if my heart grew bigger. Big enough to accept that I was nothing, that I needed correction, and be emptied of my self-importance. Looking at our Lady of Montserrat, I remembered that Mother Mary sang “THE MIGHTY ONE HAS DONE GREAT THINGS FOR ME AND HOLY IS HIS NAME (Luke 1:49)”. Sadly for me, it was still I have done great things for the LORD.

“…THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE WIND SO STRONG… IT WAS SPLITTING MOUNTAINS AND BREAKING ROCKS… NOT IN THE EARTHQUAKE… NOT IN THE FIRE; AND AFTER THE FIRE A SOUND OF SHEER SILENCE (1st Kings 19:11-12).” I needed to be silent, still, and simple to know that HE is my GOD, and that I am undeniably HIS child — forever beloved.

Twenty one years ago while meditating in the abbey, I felt joy as one big leaf fell zigzagging in the breeze till it settled on the ground. That scene was especially for my hurting heart to smile. Quietly I prayed “I love YOU too LORD JESUS.”

GOD is not done with me yet so I ready myself for more revisitations!

To God be all glory! (Bella A. Sarenas)