Handling misunderstandings

They’re unavoidable in our life for a number of reasons. Between our limitations with respect to making ourselves understood and for others to understand us, an ocean of possible instances of misunderstanding can occur.

This is not to mention that the world today is in a very toxic condition that easily lends itself to misunderstandings among ourselves. The rapid developments, considered as progress, are actually creating a Tower-of-Babel effect where people, communities, and societies are increasingly fragmented instead of being more united, giving rise to all forms of animosities and discord.

People are hardening in their biases, preferences and peculiarities, in their perceptions, views, and opinions, and even in their core beliefs, without the corresponding effort to understand those with different positions.

Think about the general state of politics today. Objectivity, fairness, patience, and magnanimity are literally thrown out of the window. Politics is not anymore so much about the pursuit of the common good as the pursuit of self-interest.

People nowadays flaunt their status as having overcome the narrow-mindedness of the past generations and as being broadminded, what with all the information overload they are now having, and yet they are quick to judge, gossip, backbite, disparage and alienate others.

Most everyone thinks he is always correct and the others always wrong. Yes, things have deteriorated so much that in spite of affirmations of being tolerant to an increasing plurality of positions, people are falling into a simplistic black-and-white outlook in life. Instead of being slow to anger and quick to forgive, it’s now the reverse: they are quick to anger and slow to forgive, if ever.

We should not be surprised to experience all these. In fact, we have to expect them and just be prepared for them, not wasting too much time lamenting about this predicament. If Christ himself, dubbed as perfect God and perfect man, suffered the gravest case of misunderstanding, to the point of being crucified, who are we to complain when these misunderstandings come our way?

In our case, many can be the reasons why we easily misunderstand others and deserve also to be misunderstood. Let’s not belabor the obvious. We just have to focus on how to handle this predicament that seems to get worse as we go along.

We need to look at Christ and follow his way of handling misunderstandings. He was patient with everyone. Just imagine him having to contend even with his closest friends-the apostles-who in spite of their closeness to him did not understand him fully most of the time.

He just went about preaching, not minding so much how the people responded. There were those who immediately believed him, but there were also others who were always suspicious of him.

We should not mind so much how others would react and correspond to our views and positions. We should just focus first on thinking, saying and doing things as rightly as possible, in truth and in charity, as we are told by St. Paul in Ephesians 4:15.

We have to learn to behave with extreme prudence, which should not be a cover for cowardice, since there will be times when we have to act with great courage even at the expense of extreme suffering. Part of this prudence is the virtue of tactfulness, of a certain restraint and moderation in our speech and actuations. We have to learn when to speak and when not, and how to deliver our points.

We should avoid getting involved in petty controversies. Rather, we should focus on issues and points that unite us rather than dwelling long on those that divide us. Let our assertions and clarifications be done in delicacy, which does not mean that we cannot be forceful.

For this, we need to be humble. A proud and conceited person, who always wants to have the last say, cannot avoid getting into wranglings. A humble person would be in a better position to see things more objectively and judge them more fairly. He is quick to correct himself when he is mistaken, and to forgive those who may misunderstand him.

We should be magnanimous to those who misunderstand us. “If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles,” Christ said (Mt 5,41). We have to drown evil with an abundance of good.

We should be convinced that sooner or later some form of our vindication will take place as well as the proper resolution of the issues involved, if not here then in the hereafter. Let’s just be patient, just as God is patient with us!