Overcoming the ‘tambay’ lifestyle

It’s all understandable, of course. Young people like to enjoy life. I was also like them when I was at their age. Even if they carry some heavy personal or family problems, they like to have fun every time they have the chance.

Outside of my chaplain’s office, I see young students, all boys, sitting on the floor, invariably engaged in what I consider as mindless chatter, pulling each other’s leg, laughing or simply idling away time, with looks that can only show purposelessness. I call this the “tambay” lifestyle, which is very common in many places.

I presume it’s their break time, and you just have to let them be. Like little children, they should not be over supervised. Their classes would take care of that since discipline and meeting academic requirements would always be the order of the day there.

And yet, at the back of my mind, I worry that if they are not properly attended to that this tambay lifestyle would harden and become a permanent feature of their character. When I was at their age, I was already worried about how to fill up my time more fruitfully and meaningfully. I exerted some effort, though I must confess that the motivation was not quite right. Self-interest fueled most of that effort.

It was only later in life that I discovered the proper motivation for working or studying or simply filling time. Only God, the love for him and for neighbor, can be the appropriate motive. But how can you transmit this truth to these young ones?

I remember that in my case, I had a regular chat with a priest who taught me many things. I first went to see him because I had a problem with my philosophy classes in school. He was very helpful in clarifying my doubts and answering my questions.

But besides those, he taught me how to pray, to study the doctrine of the faith more deeply, to appreciate the value of sacrifice, the sacraments, the virtues, etc. What I learned was that I can only study and work properly if the motivation is precisely the love of God and neighbor.

That was when I could always find something to do, and I pressured myself to fight against my laziness and my excessive love for comfort and pleasures. I learned the importance of time-that it is the occasion for us to attain the ultimate purpose of our life. I realized it was a crime to waste time.

It was not easy. And even until now, I sometimes have to exert some extraordinary effort to do things properly and to fill up my time. All of us have to contend with our weaknesses and the many temptations around. One has to wage a constant struggle to be able to use time properly.

But how can I transmit these precious lessons to the young ones? Yes, as chaplain, I say Mass for them every day. There I can say something in this regard during the homilies. But that would not be enough. I also give some talks and classes, conduct retreats and recollections, but then the effects and results are long in coming. These need a more personalized and abiding attention.

It’s good that many of the students come for a personal chat with me. There, I get to know them more closely and have the chance to encourage them. They need a lot of clarification and motivation.

Trying to explain loving God and others, what it involves and how it impacts on our use of time is not easy, especially when you have to touch on an essential part of it-the suffering and the need for the cross. Christian charity has endless facets and practical implications.

We have instituted a mentoring system so that each student is followed up closely. And obviously, the task of monitoring the developments of this system can be demanding. I am more and more convinced that, above everything else, what is needed to keep things going is the spiritual and supernatural means.

Without these means and when we rely only on our human resources and natural powers, we can only achieve so much. Worse, we can be deluded into thinking that we are doing what is right, when in fact what we’ve been doing is wrong.

I hope and pray that while the general character of the young-their attitude to take things easy and to have fun-should be respected, the seed of a more responsible use of their time, talents, and other resources would be sown, take root, and start to grow.