My Journey to Widowhood (Part 7 of 8)

CONSIDERATIONS FOR MARRYING
I could not speak for others but some widows, like me, I prefer not to marry based on a factor. In Filipino society, women are expected to serve their husband rather than both serving each other.

When widowhood happens, the woman feels the pain of losing someone but at the same time, she begins to enjoy freedom the loss has given. This newfound freedom becomes sweeter as time goes by and it becomes an integral part of the widow’s system. As days go by, the resolve to continue staying single becomes stronger.

Until later, the widow will be adjusted to the new state of life and is comfortably enjoying the new state of life.

This may be the opposite of widowers. They keep on missing the comfort brought about by the partnership they had before and therefore, as days go by their desire for the same comfort increases. Once a good prospect comes along the way, a widower succumbs to the attraction.

THE TRAP INTO INTRICATE FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
The original marriage which a widowed person left has enabled the widow to accept and hopefully loved the family of her husband. The relationship built was frothed with both joy and pain due to continuous adjustment.

This makes the relationship valuable. When one becomes a widow, she asks herself many times if it will be worth adjusting all over again and again another layer.

And as the woman enjoys what she is enjoying, the attraction to another adjustment with another family diminishes.

RELATIONSHIP WITH IN-LAWS
When I visited my in-laws a few months after the death of my husband, I can sense their appreciation of the visit. I also feel that they seem closer to my children. I thought that they would not be so close because of the death of their son/brother. What I experienced was the opposite. I would even venture to say that their closeness to my husband was transferred to my children and to me.

DEDICATION OF WIDOWED PERSONS
When I was considered by the appointing officer of the college where I stayed last, he commented that my being a widow was a factor to my favor. This was with the presumption that without the most significant earthly person in my life, I would commit so much to the task assigned to me. And he was not wrong. The widow delivered.