My Journey to Widowhood (Part 1 of 8)

On October 16, 1989 at 12 midnight I lost my husband of 23 years, Joe, due to cardiac arrest. He died in a tiny hospital in Mati, Davao Oriental. It was the most significant of my personal experience of grieving. While grieving is never the same for any two persons, the experience has universal commonality as a human experience. Allow me, then, to share my close encounter with grief that led to my widowhood hoping that this article would bear with lesser pain and Christian consolation to those who have gone through bereavement and is now into widowhood.

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In 1966, I chose the status of being married as my path to sanctity. Believing in “’til death do us part”, I built that marriage day-in and day-out for Joe, for my children, and for myself (in that order). As one made here on earth inherently with imperfection; and knowing that two persons are two different personalities, my husband’s and mine levelling-off in values and decision making brought out differences to discuss and settle.

Some years before Joe died, we joined Marriage Encounter IX, St. Peter series. It was a boost to making communication in our marriage better. Our presence in the group activities made me happy especially that my husband was an introvert and would rather stay home. My happy life was busy with my family, my work, and my community involvement.

A close friend of mine who is a religious sister told me once that I should be prepared to accept reality in case something would happen to Joe for after all no one knows what the future holds. And she told me this barely a month before Joe died.

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My husband was a manager in a coconut processing plant in Mati, Davao oriental, a 125 kilometers away from Davao City of which our family live. He would come home once-a-week or I would visit him if he would miss a weekly visit. I would always look forward to travelling to Mati because I enjoy the idyllic scenes.

That Sunday, October 15, 1989 I went to Mati to visit Joe not knowing that it was Joe’s last day on earth. (Ma. Iris Melliza)