Why me Lord? Why not I Lord?

Hanggang kelan tayo pwedeng maniwala sa milagro? Hanggang kelan natin kayang tiisin ang sakit sa ating buhay? Tunghayan natin ang isang kwento ng isang asawang nagmahal, nasaktan, ngunit kumapit hanggang sa huli. Salamat Tita Bella Sarenas sa inspirasyong ito.

Dear KNOT,

Hiding from the watchful eyes of his strict father, Berting learned to smoke at an early age. Savoring not just every puff, but also the status of being a Phillip Morris cigarette smoker, he graduated to drinking beer and hard drinks, and with it, long night outs – just for fun. He can easily kick the habit, he would always say to himself.

Married and with three kids, the habits proved to be stronger than his resolve to stop.

When he started to feel the tingling in his leg plus the knowledge that a dear friend with the same lifestyle died, Berting boldly went to a doctor for tests. But, afraid of what might be physically wrong with him, he did not get back the results.

Later, after four medical opinions Berting was diagnosed with lung cancer stage 3b, terminal and inoperable. After chemotherapy and radiation, the cancer was still there, has metastasized to the liver, bones, lymph nodes. He began to pray and ask God, “Why me LORD?” Back then he was already deep into the charismatic renewal; he would look up to heaven and prayed. His daily prayers changed his question into “Why not I LORD.” Bowed, he repented for how he lived his life. He went the rounds to three people he convinced to smoke and drink and told them “You will not believe me when I tell you to stop. I am here to show you, it is now my pay-back time.”

In and out of hospital, we welcomed everyone who offered to pray over him – born again Christians, lumads, Divine Mercy devotees. He confessed and received the Body and Blood of JESUS daily. We united our pain with the passion and death of JESUS.

Before Berting joined the charismatic movement and while our kids were growing, I insisted that all would kneel when praying. He would tell me it is not written in the bible and should leave the children alone.

But when he became sick and even with difficulty, he would kneel when we pray, despite my telling him that GOD will understand if he cannot kneel down. “I denied GOD my strength, I will not now deny HIM my weakness,” Berting would tell me back. Every three in the morning, he would wake me up for the Divine Mercy chaplet, and again at 3pm. In the hospital, he would only watch EWTN TV program and listen to praise songs to feed his spirit. Surrounded by us, his family, we would reflect and share the bible, even when he could no longer speak because that part of his brain was inflamed. He turned yellow only after he died peacefully a year and seventeen days after diagnosis.

It has been 20 years since, yet I still stand in awe of the goodness of GOD. Five cancers, no pain. He only took paracetamol once when he developed slight fever. He cannot fake not having pain, my doctor and nurse friends said when I asked. Impossible medically, yet all possible spiritually in JESUS’ name!

TO GOD BE ALL GLORY FOREVER!