When you forgive

Hanggang kailan ba tayo magpatawad? Hanggang kailan ba tayo magtimpi? Heto ang kwento ng isang asawa, ina at ngayon ay volunteer na ng prison ministry na si Marian.

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April 18, 1984. A young man in his 20s, high on drugs, killed my husband near the San Pedro Cathedral. My husband and I have been married for 18 months and he was then on his way home from work. He was stabbed 14 times and the drug-crazed assailant was counting every thrust of the knife into my husband’s body: “12, 13, 14!” It was Holy Wednesday and San Pedro was bustling with people but nobody helped my husband until a cop arrived and apprehended the killer. No one was kind enough to bring my husband to the hospital; he himself got up and took a jeepney to Davao Doc where he died on arrival.

I was at home when this happened as I was on sick leave due to a delicate pregnancy. Yes, I was pregnant with our only child. It was very comforting to hear people say: “I am sorry for your loss; or Condolence; or I know how you feel, Our prayers are with you, etc.” but no one really could have fathomed the deep unending pain, the silent grief, the muted cries of this pregnant bereaved widow. And a boiling ANGER was building up in my heart. Throughout the wake I kept my silence. But I was angry at the assailant, I was angry with myself for not being there to help my husband and I was angry with God!

Yet above all these was my stubborn resolve to save our baby. I did not allow myself to grieve for fear that with too much emotion I might lose our daughter.

There were friends and strangers who offered me ways to take revenge for my husband’s death. Some even offered their “services” for free as long as I give my consent, but I would not agree. My husband was a peaceful and God-fearing man and his soul would not rest in peace if I repay “tooth for a tooth.” I believed in the justice system, both here on earth and in Heaven.

Five months later the joy of my daughter’s birth overshadowed all of my grief and anger. I called her Joanna —  God’s gift! Then I thought of the other mother who was still in deep sorrow — the mother of the killer. I felt how painful it must be for her to behold her beloved son has become a drug addict and a murderer at such a young age. I pitied the mother and so I agreed to talk to her — as a mother to mother. Taking away her young son’s life would not bring back my husband, but I could give this mother’s young son a second chance at life to make something good of himself. It has been 32 years and I have not regretted my decision to set the young man free. I have faith in God’s justice. I thank God for the grace of forgiving and the peace it brings into our hearts.

Today, I am a volunteer in the Archdiocesan Commission on Prison Welfare at the Davao City Jail where 70-80% of the inmates are either drug pushers or users.

Our mission is for the rehabilitation, holistic transformation and skills training of inmates to help them become better citizens to prepare them for eventual reintegration to society once they are released. There is no anger in my heart, only a prayer for the offenders and for their victims to obtain real justice.

Maybe my story could bring hope to repentant inmates to pray for the families of their victims, to forgive them and give them one more chance to reform, and do good with their lives. Because everyone deserves a second chance. Salamat KNOT. – Marian Carmela Raquel, ACPW

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Thank you Marian for your story. More stories to come. Tune in to DXGN 89.9 for daily readings of KNOT with DJ Angelize, 1-2 PM. S’yempre, kinig din tayo ng “Kasikas” at “Youth camp”, 5-7 pm with my beshie Dennis. ‘Til next kwentuhan higala!