Hoping to have Courage

Dear Ate Emz,

I am 20 years old and I have a childhood male friend. He is a year older than me, he is 21 years. Since we went to the same school and we live near each other, our families got close instantly.

Her mom became my mom’s best friend. Usa ka gabii, naay okasyon sa amoa, we were drinking with my cousins and his brothers. Napansin nako he’s doing advances on me, naging touchy siya. At first I didn’t mind it pero it became unbearable and medyo off, getting out of the normal way. In other words bastos na siya.

I felt harassed with his touch because it seems like he’s aiming to touch the parts of my body that shouldn’t be touched. I did my best na mulayo sa iyaha without causing a scenario na makabantay among mga pamilya. Luckily, I got away from him. Later that night, I realized he’s been sexually harassing me ever since we were young.

I was just too innocent to recognize it. My parents did not know about this since close jud amoang pamilya and I don’t have plans on telling them, I am on my way to healing now.

What’s the best move can I do? At least man lang nga dili siya ma offend because kahit papano we and the family are friends.

Thank you Ate Emz,
Tanya

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Dear Tanya,

Usually childhood friends are cherished especially when one reminisces the past adventures, indigenous games, school experiences, etc., and the pure joys all these bring. On the other hand, struggles as well as pains of growing up together are likewise etched in these memories. It’s one of life’s blessings to have retained these friends, male or female they may be. And many times, kung medyo nag grow na into adolescents or young adults ang mga dating kalaro, there seems to be awkward moments already due to the many physical, emotional, psychological changes that come with each one’s development. We can say that we can be lucky to have maintained some of our friends of the opposite sex, in your case, Tanya, one male childhood friend. And not only the two of you are friends, but your respective mothers and families as well.

Through the years, I am sure that mutual trust and being comfortable between families have taken roots, so much so that the relationships seem to be valued so much. Hence, during family celebrations, family members are both counted in. And of course during celebrations, drinking is almost always part of it. And it is in this situation that the spirit of the wine/liquor takes control where one’s evil acts take over, be they towards childhood friends or mere acquaintances. And this is where you found yourself in, Tanya.

At your friend’s initial moves, you “didn’t mind” and surely, that must have given him the signal to go on until you felt na “bastos na siya” and that you already felt harassed… sexually harassed at that. Thank God, He had sent His angel to help you get away from him! You must have been sleepless, reviewing the scenario and only then did you realize that you had already been “violated” even in those childhood days of yours.

What is sad and disturbing about this is, wala kang planong ipaalam sa parents mo na ito ang ginawa sa iyo dahil magkaibigan nga ang mga pamilya ninyo! This implies na parang mas importante pa sa iyo ang “pagkakaibigan” between families rather than standing up for your dignity as a person. You have been violated as a person! And this male friend of yours could never even be qualified as a FRIEND in the first place dahil sa ginawa niya. Ang tunay na kaibigan, male or female, ay protektahan ka, hindi sisirain!

As I tried to reflect on why you did not do what you needed to do, I guess it is fear that took the better of you. You may not have gathered enough courage at that time to stand up for yourself. You stated in your letter that now you are on your way to healing. Complete healing will only take place when you obtain justice to what has been done to you. Well, meron nga kasabihan, if you cannot obtain justice here on earth, God will do the rest for you.

I hope you will find true peace within yourself with what you have experienced. Hoping still, that you will find the courage to let your parents know.

God bless you more.

Ate Emz