Marriage and divorce

“SOME Pharisees approached Jesus, and tested him, saying, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?’” (Mt 19,3)

This is the opening passage of the gospel of the Mass on Friday of the 19th Week in Ordinary Time. It brings out the question of marriage and divorce that now is being hotly discussed in many parts of the country.

Some proponents of divorce claim that we seem to be backward since we are practically the only country that does not have a divorce law yet. It’s an argument that does not really need any serious attention. Truth is, we should be very proud that we do not have a divorce law, since divorce is from beginning to end an anomaly.

Divorce clearly goes against the very nature of marriage that is validly entered into by a couple. It breaks something that is supposed to be lifelong, regardless of the things that can take place in it.

As the couple vowed on their wedding day, they committed themselves to be wedded to each other “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

Of course, the nature of marriage is defined not by us but by God, the Creator. And as Christ himself said it clearly, when a marriage takes place, “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, a man must not separate.” (Mt 19,5-6)

Perhaps to explain it in more common language, we can say that in marriage it is presumed that it is love that motivates the couple to enter into it. And by definition, love is total self-giving which, in this case, since it involves the use of the body which cannot be shared with anybody else once it is given to one spouse, can only be entered into by one man and one woman and for a lifetime.

The difficulties and challenges the couple meet in their marriage are always to be expected. They always come, one way or another, in one form or another, whatever one’s state of life is. But if the couple is animated by their Christian faith, they know that these difficulties and challenges are the occasions and reasons for their love to grow even stronger and more meaningful.

The nature of marriage can be defined by just looking at it, discerning what it is supposed to be, what its purpose is, etc. It’s based on the nature itself of man who for his proper development needs an institution to perpetuate himself and his descendants in a way fit for his dignity.

And this can only be marriage as it is known up to now—a life-long commitment between a man and a woman, based on the fullness of love that includes the use of the body.

We are capable of entering into this commitment, and this commitment also in turn helps in developing us toward full human maturity. We are capable of this commitment because in spite of our changing conditions there is something in us—precisely our spirit, our soul, our heart and will—that enables us to remain constant and consistent even as we face varying circumstances.

That is why, more than our bodily senses and powers, we really have to take care of our spiritual faculties, because they are the main engine for our development and our fidelity in our commitments.