Unusual Churchgoers

There are many lists of unusual people, objects and events but I have yet to read a list about extraordinary churchgoers.

1. Outstanding parishioner: he goes out standing by the church door the moment the priest gives the Homily. Reason: He heard the same sermon before, besides, he wants to smoke or do chismis. Common from 1898 to 1960s. Now rare.
2. Movie goers: the couple comes in the middle of the mass: stays behind, waits for the next mass and suddenly leaves in the middle of second mass. Reason: this is where we came in so we know what will happen next.
3. Cellphonus Bastus: this is miserable, ill-mannered. Illiterate pathetic breed was discovered around the world in the late 1990s when cellphones became cheaper and smaller. It is understandable. However, for the faithful it is very irritating. Consider the crucifixion scene when the good thief asks that he will be remembered and before the Lord could answer, a cellphone rings. The solemnity and holiness of the service is rudely disturbed, whenever a cellphone rings.
4. Sleepus: this one closes his eyes and folds his arms when gospel or homily begins as if deeply meditating. However, he jumps when people sing or recites the prayers.
5. Hagous Hilikus: he is an improvement of the sleepus because he snores melodiously. The traditional jokes. First: A parishioner asked: is sleeping during mass a sin? Priest: it is a small sin, but it becomes a big sin when you snore. Parishioner: why the difference? Priest: You do not disturb your neighbors if you sleep. When you snore, you will wake up your neighbors who are also sleeping. Second joke: priest to parishioner: wake your husband up. Parishioner: You wake him up. Your homily put him to sleep.
6. Relaxus Comfortus: he crosses his legs, continuously shakes them, put his hands either behind his head or on both sides of the bench and turns his head continuously as if expecting to be shot or flies are landing on his nose.
7. Pacquiaus Sporti: he attends mass in running shoes or puruntong shorts, smelly sweat shirt, dirty socks, baseball cap and sweats all over.
8. Minoris Angelicus: the howling, screaming , shouting, kicking, rolling, fighting, fidgeting, running, crying, biting, scratching, crawling, grimacing, altar climbing, and statue touching, disciplined, sweet, innocent, lovable bundles of joy.
9. Americacus Idolis: they do not only move their lips while singing they think everyone is deaf so they shout, not sing, they are off key, their timing is off and they eat the words.
10. Panicus Paniki: after the last blessing, they rush out as if there’s a bomb inside the church pushing, disturbing the rest before the priest leaves the altar and even before the end of the last song. They think there is a prize for the first car to get out
11. Talentus Scoutus: he looks at everyone who comes in or goes out from head to toe. His eyes pop out when there is a gap in a lady’s shirt and looks for a long time at all who have short blouses or tight pants or shorts.
12. Mounthus Demoni: they compete with the priest by talking and whispering during the mass. Some say Lucifer inspired them to disturb the mass.