Questions from innocent minds

How can we identify a male and a female fish?

This was the question raised by my group to our teacher during a boy scout camping activity in my elementary years. In our hiking activity, the different groups needed to follow written instructions posted in every location of the trail to be able to complete the tasks. In the final station, everybody was puzzled on the final instruction which was to catch one male and one female fish in the canal. True enough, there were guppies but, we could not identify which is male or female because of their similar physical features. Eager to beat the time allotted for the activity, our leader, who was very competitive, dipped his hands into the canal and forcibly caught the required number of fish. After which, we proceeded to the assembly area to submit our outputs to the teacher and were commended for a job well-done. However, it was still unclear for us whether we have really caught the required female and male fish. So our group leader asked the question to the teacher: “Sir, unsaon pagkahibalo na lalaki or babae ang isda? (How can we identify a male and female fish?)”. In response, our teacher stood up, paused for a while and he closed his eyes and placed the plastic which contains the fish on his heart. Then, with a serious face, explained in the most simple and practical way: “Put it closely to your heart. When your heart beats faster, it’s a female fish.” I looked around and everybody was imitating our teacher, but their faces look puzzled and frustrated. Perhaps, we were so naïve at that time that none of us had questioned if what our teacher said was true or if it was a joke or if we were just exhausted to ask further.

It was all for laughs but as I grew older, I realized that the explanation of our teacher was a modified version of a dark humor – censored, of course, and I admired him for such creativity.

This funny experience made me realize how difficult it is to answer compelling questions from a child. Part of our moral obligation as adults, especially as parents, is to address the children’s “why questions” with utmost patience and compassion. I realized that similar questions about the fish have become more challenging to deal with, when it’s your son/daughter who is asking. We tend to shy away from difficult questions like the existence of God or awkward topics like how babies are made or gender preferences or physical differences. It is challenging to engage with such innocent musings especially when they ask, “Where did God come from?” or “If there really is a God, why does He allow bad things to happen?” However, in my own point of view, answers to these questions are open if you are confident about His personal love for you.

Our response may reveal a similar emotional response when being confronted with difficult questions or uncertainties in life. We close our eyes and let it pass when it seems that there is no clear answer. But closing our eyes is an opportunity of opening our hearts to the Lord. It is the way to inner peace and positivity despite our innate vulnerabilities. This shall be one of the ultimate objectives of being a parent for it prepares the child to grow spiritually in this imperfect world – teaching them to pray. The saying that goes: “The family that prays together, stays together” still holds true up to the present and it breeds a deep sense of faith especially in times of dealing with deep questions or moral crossroads. (Francis Manayan)