Masuk-Anon Nga Inahan

Dear Ate Emz,

I am a mother of two girls; 15 and the other is 6 yrs young. Ako ang disciplinarian sa among mag-asawa. Stressful in my part kay bisag unsaon nako ug pangasaba sa matag higayon nga akong mga anak makasala murag wala may kausaban sa ilang pamatasan. Balik2x na lang ako murag sirang plaka sa mga pahimangno, pagpasabot sa mga bagay2x, Walay semana nga dili ko mag kunsimisyon, hangtud sa ako mapuno ug ako silang madapatan.

Mao kini ang akong suliran, ang akong pagka mainitin ug ulo. Dali ra ko masuko. Labaw na ug duna akoy isugo unya dili dayun matuman, magdabog-dabog kung suguon, pakitaan ko ug mga gestures nga ngil-ad ug uban pa.

Madungagan ang akong ka stress gikan sa trabaho hangtud sa balay mao nga muinit dayun ako. Sukwahi kami sa akong bana nga bisan siya ingon anaon murag wala lang sa iyaha.

Unta ingon ana sab ko nga dili affected aron walay kaguliyang nga mahitabo. Unsay mga pamaagi aron akong ma control ang kaugalingon para hapsay ug malinawun.

Daghang Salamat,
Rhea

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Dear Rhea,

Parenting is such a challenging role in life. No academic programs or degrees prepare us for this. There is no such thing as BS Parenting. We have to learn this as we journey through life, through our own experiences of being brought up by our parents as well as other influences of people and events in our own life.

Ang atong calling isip ginikanan is to raise our children to be good persons, raise them to be responsible and most of all disciplined in many ways. Dili lalim ang magpadako og mga anak labi na karong mga panahona ug generation. Dili nato malikayan ang pagkumpara sa klase sa disiplina nga atong naagian sa atong mga ginikanan ug sa karon nga generation which we now call Generation Z ( 9-24 yrs old) and generation A, (0-9 yrs old) where your children belong.

Dapat intindihin ang behavior ng Gen Z and Gen A aron dili ka ma stress kaayo kay daku kaayo ang gap sa imong generation ug sa ilaha. I would like to perceive that you belong to the generation of millennials or Gen Y (25-40 yrs old), mao nga daku kaayo ang kalahian sa inyong mga behaviors. Kining imong mga anak dili na kini sila madala og kasaba ug kanunay “nagging” by the parents. Effective sa ilaha ang istoryahon (dialogue), sa mahinahon. They learn things by what they see or by modeling. Mao nga kung unsay makit-an maoy ilahang sundon, not much of harsh words, or shouting at them to make them do the things we ask of them. More positive ang approach sa ilaha. Aside from understanding their behaviors, naa sab ang individual differences that you have to consider. Like your own temperament which seems to be the choleric type, characterized by being short tempered or dali lang mag-react and the tendency to be perfectionist. Mao nga most of the time impatient with others who may be slow moving and calm by nature. Hence, daghan kaayo ka i-consider sa imohang parenting style.

Naniniwala ako na ikaw at ang iyong husband ay nag complement sa isa’t isa. He may be cool headed. You can learn from each other especially in the area of patience. Kay kung pareho mong duha na dali lang kaayo mo-react, siguradong gubot ug saba kaayo ang inyong atmosphere sa balay.

Sa imohang sitwasyon karon, I would invite you to give yourself space and time to do some soul searching as well as “researching” to identify the typical behaviors of the generations where your children belong and where you belong as well. On the part of the children, dapat atong dawaton ang reality nga ang ilahang kinabuhi karon naga-revolve around technology, various gadgets, and these affect the day-to-day life, ilabi na sa social media which influence them a lot. Mao kini ang ka-kompitensya sa mga ginikanan karon. Mao nga gikinahanglan mogahin gyud og time nga ang mga ginikanan ug mga anak magkaroon ng “bonding time”, kamustahan, where you can talk about your relationships, behaviors at home, chores, responsibilities in an atmosphere of dialogue, not always in an atmosphere of anger, nagging and impatience.

I know of one family, with millennial parents, with kids 7 yrs old and 5 yrs old. Naa silay time once a week to gather and talk about each other’s’ ways/behaviors, house rules, etc. Yes, the kids are allowed to express themselves in their own level of communication. Ang maganda sa kanila kasi pinapakinggan nila ang kanilang mga anak even at their young age. They are allowed to also express their emotions, make choices/decisions and be aware of consequences of these decisions. Usually after tantrums, diha na nila istoryahon ang bata, with matching assurance of love and affection. Yes, they allow their kids to make simple choices like which clothes they prefer to wear, how they prefer to arrange their toys, books, clothes, etc. And they have schedule of activities for the day, assigned chores, na nakapaskil sa wall. Kahit sa mga ganitong mga maliliit na mga gagawin, ma train ang mga bata sa life skills and in the process, self-discipline. Ask your kids, listen to them, allow them to express themselves and from there, guide them what are the right things to do. Like levelling off, where they are at the moment, and then lift them up and lead them the way to righteousness.

Ang usa ka bagay nga makapa-strengthen ng bond sa pamilya is the FAMILY PRAYER. Hinaot unta nga makasugod kamo ug practice and make it a part of your daily life. You know if the kids are brought up in this atmosphere where God is at the center of the family, everything will fall into place. Ang mga challenges sa day-to-day living makaya lang dahil merong gabay na sinusundan. And surely the grace of God will pour in, to help the family go through trials of parenting, with patience, compassion and love.

Parenting is a vocation, a calling and with this the outpouring of necessary graces and blessings. Always pray for your children, train them in the ways they should go, and when they grow up, they will not depart from it. (Prov. 22:6)

God bless you more as you enjoy your parenting in a meaningful way!
Ate Emz