May pagmamahal ba na mali?

Dear KNOT,

Masama ba ang magmahal ng tao? O may pagmamahal ba na “mali”?

Ako si Janjelo, isang freshmen student sa isang sikat na pamantasan sa Davao. Noong pre-engineering pa ako sa senior high, I met this girl. We dated, naging kami. I introduced her to my parents because I’m very comfortable every time I’m with her. When my mother learned that she’s not from an affluent family, nag iba ang daloy ng aming relasyon. My mama told me to stop seeing her, dahil “mali” daw kuno ang aming relasyon. Alam ko na very close-minded ang mama ko. She doesn’t listen to her children. Ganito rin ang nangyari sa ate ko, kaya not in good terms sila ngayon. Parang history repeats itself. Mali ba aming relasyon? Kailan naging mali ang magmahal?

Daghang Salamat
Janjelo

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Dear Janjelo,

Love is a many splendored thing…ayon sa isang popular na awit. Ang nararanasan mo ngayon na exclusive relationship and dating ay karaniwan sa mga kabataang tulad mo. Kahanga-hanga ang pagiging open mo sa iyong mga magulang sa bagay na ito, tanda ng iyong respeto sa kanila, at kabaliktaran sa ibang mga anak na tinatago ang kanilang relationship. Ngunit nakakalungkot lang na hindi sang-ayon sa inyong relationship ang Mama mo dahil ang kalagayan sa buhay ng iyong girlfriend ay magkaiba kaysa inyo. At ayon sa kanya (Mama), “mali” itong relasyon ninyo ng GF mo.

Sa panig ng mga magulang, they always desire the good and brighter future for their children. Hindi natin maalis sa kanila ang mag-alala. It is in this context that your Mama seems to be doubtful that you will have a comfortable life later when she learned about your girlfriend’s social status. Kaya lang, hindi natin matiyak na manatiling ganun pa rin ang kanilang estado sa buhay pagkalipas ng maraming taon. Malay natin, sa kanilang pagsisikap, ma-uplift na rin ang kanilang kalagayan at sila’y magiging matagumpay. Hindi tayo dapat magsalita ng patapos dahil ang tao ay dynamic, at maari din magbago balang araw.

Mali ba ang inyong relasyon? Kailan naging mali ang magmahal? Hindi mali ang magmahal, per se. In fact, God commanded us to love one another as He has loved us, and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. It is in WHAT WE DO to express this love that we can judge whether the ACTION is right or wrong… tama o mali. Dapat din natin tandaan na ang ating relasyon ay kailangang lumago patungo sa TUNAY NA PAGMAMAHAL or TRUE LOVE! Scott Peck, in his book, The Road Less Travelled, aptly defines true love as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own and another’s SPIRITUAL GROWTH.

Sa inyong kalagayan bilang magkasintahan and as freshman students, bata pa kayo to be serious in your relationship. Your emotions are still unstable. On the other hand, it’s okay if you strive to maintain a healthy and wholesome relationship where you motivate and inspire each other to grow SPIRITUALLY, and become better persons; hopefully growing towards true love in the process. Hence, you need certain level of maturity along this aspect of your life. Furthermore, remember that exclusive dating limits your interaction with others that could be giving you more opportunities to grow and develop socially. How about developing more meaningful friendships rather than the “going steady” relationship which you have now with your girlfriend? Something to ponder on.

Para naman sa mga magulang, pasasalamatan ang pagpapakilala ng anak ang kanyang minamahal. Kahit masakit para sa atin (remember, dumaan din tayo diyan), tanggapin na ito ay bahagi ng kanilang growing up. Journey with them in this stage of their development. Kung maari lang tulungan silang kilalanin din ang kanilang g.f./b.f. Look beyond the externals. Economic status does not define the whole person. Above all, pray for them, too, that they may have a healthy relationship.

May our Lord, who is LOVE Himself, bless and guide you, Janjelo, as you journey and grow towards true love.

God bless you more.
Ate Emz