Are we really in Control?

“Focus your energy on the things you can control” is a mantra I have learned and lived during this pandemic. The truth is we can only control ourselves. We have no control of other people. Yes, maybe we can but that would be stressful for both parties.

Timothy A. Carey, PhD in his article Life in Control (2014), said that control means “Making things happen the way we want”. Basically, we use our actions to lessen the difference between what we want and what we have. We are to behave in a way to guarantee that there is a minimal gap between these two. Carey further states that “successful living requires having a clear idea of what you want and the means to keep the want-got differences minimized. Problems arise when people want incompatible things at the same time.”

Overthinking, especially among the younger generations is a big mental health problem nowadays. Common questions that keep going inside their minds are: Will I be successful in the future? Will my parents be proud of me? Will I be a good doctor or nurse or lawyer? But the truth is we do not have any control of the future. In times of uncertainty, we need to live in the present and be contented. The past is gone and we still do not know what the future brings. Yet we have today and we can make it beautiful.

For many years, life has always been a passage of certainty. We have plans and goals for the future. We wake up each morning with a schedule. Our summer vacations are always planned and we are excited during the “-ber” months for the upcoming Yuletide season. This has become more of a rule rather than the exception. Control is a phenomenon of the natural world that is the essence of life itself.

In another article, 6 Ways to Take Control by Abigail Brenner, PhD (2014), the author suggests that we “create a healthy space between ourselves and our relationships.” The goal is to gain a healthy view of others, without creating conflict within yourself. This is what we call healthy boundaries. It’s time to embrace the control freak in each of us.

“Let go and let God” is a phrase which came up many years ago and has been popular among believers. At this time of the pandemic, what is the essence of this mantra to us? For me, it speaks of faith – of believing, trusting and doing. True faith after all, consists of prayer and action. It is not the “we do nothing, say nothing, feel nothing, and simply live, allowing situations to roll over us however they may” kind of thinking.

God was in my past and I am sure, He will be with me in the future. However, let us remember that He is very much in the present. I will try my best to be the better version of myself today because this is the time I live, move and have my being. Tomorrow is not promised us.

Just like Mary, we are invited to respond, “Let it be done to me according to your words.” In the past months, I have learned not to stress myself with the things I cannot control and say, “Your will be done, Lord.”