A Journey of a Senior Citizen: Challenges and Commitments

Our beloved Pope Francis designated the last Sunday of July every year as dedicated to the elderly. As the pandemic sweeps across countries, people are forced to think fast to find meaning on what is happening. It is at this time that the elderly plays a pivotal role because of the wisdom gained in so many years of living filled with reflection, discernment and prayer.

A little before I turned 60, I became a grandmother. I truly entered into a new world, a world of grandchildren. My attention and time shifted from the 2 children to the 4 grandchildren. Since my son’s family lives in Laguna, I stayed with them during my vacation or when I was free even only for a day, or if there was a celebration in the family especially birthdays or a graduation. When I attended meetings or seminars in Manila I stayed with them foregoing hotel lodging. When the apos were small I used to hold them or walk with them and let them enjoy the sight of the sky, the clouds, the colorful sunrise and sunset, the birds, dragonflies, butterflies, flowers and trees. Bedtime was always reading time. I have to see too that I sleep the same number of times with each of them. One day, one of them asked me who my favorite among them is! Presently, I check the Messenger box every day to check if there are messages from them so that I will not miss answering if there is any. I also send packages every now and then.

Iris’ 80th birthday

I retired from the full time job at age 68. I still had high energy level. I felt so healthy. I was prepared for that retirement so that feeling sad did not happen. Teaching at the graduate school on Saturdays and working at the parish for the Ways and Means Committee made me feel fulfilled. The beauty of retirement for an elderly worked. You are able to choose to do something you love doing and at your convenient time. At that time, I limited my services through responsibilities I could handle. I have learned to instruct my heart to stay at low energy level when there was bad news so that my heart did not beat fast. This has prevented irregular heartbeat to happen during several tragedies which I met in my work and in the family. During this part of the journey, respect for, love of, and confidence in other persons grew as I enjoyed being a colleague to my bright and hardworking graduate school students. Also, the honesty, transparency and amiable traits of the fundraisers in the parish paid off as the sponsors were generous in giving their donation to the church for the ongoing construction. Up to this point, I felt well. The only limitation I felt for some years was on my balance in going down the stairways without railings. I solved the problem partially by lowering the heel of my shoes.

Five years before the Covid-19 pandemic struck, I was forced by circumstance to help the school I was administering before. The magnitude of the dilemma forced me to strengthen my faith in the Lord and to pray intensely. The discernment to be just to both parties was put to a test. Patience, humility, firmness and ultimate cleansing of thoughts and words were needed for survival with the Lord. The question I asked at the end of the day was, if Jesus was here, would he be happy about my decisions. After thanking him for the day, I enjoyed my sound sleep.

Iris in a Zoom meeting

Then came the dreaded Covid-19 pandemic. Prepared or not prepared, all institutions had to go online. Classes were on-going and, at the same time, teachers and infrastructure must be ready too for online classes. I was still working in the school that fatal month of March 2020. It was a nightmare; but, with the help of dedicated and committed staff and teachers, the impossible became possible. Here, foresight was what mattered. Constant communication to succeed made a breakthrough. The new administration made a tremendous transformation, another miracle in the making!

The elderly sector was advised to stay at home because they are the most vulnerable. But since the reason to stay home has a convincing basis, staying home cannot be contested. This is the first time in my life that I have stayed home this long. What is it I can do at home?

The Covid-19 pandemic just before I turned 80 was truly a profound period, a real rare occasion to feel elderly! The changes I felt were significant that I shared them with my Teresiana daughter who was permitted by the Lord to be assigned in Davao and to stay in her ancestral home in Central Park! Having been away for 20 years and formed the Teresian way, I had 2 encounters with her as regards my perspective. How patiently would she stress her point. Oh God, I said, if she had not improved as a Christian, I could have been hurt. This led me to some reflection because I had encountered numerous serious ill relationships for decades at work which I breezed through; and here I am not being able to relate without fuss with my daughter. I then would console myself that she has those qualities from her dad which complemented mine. I lost my beloved husband due to a fatal one-hour heart attack only when I was 49 years old. More patience please and more understanding and acceptance!

Iris with Rey’s family

This pandemic is so disastrous but it showed sterling qualities of many. I have felt the abundance of sharing in the neighborhood as what is happening now. First, we are reminded that God will provide us with our daily bread. True enough, every time we pray before meals, we feel wholeheartedly God giving us our daily bread, so literal! Hence, we give whatever we have so others may have their daily bread, too. Since elderlies eat simple, naturally- grown food and only the quantity they need, almost every day there are fruits and vegetables brought to us good for a day’s consumption. Very moving indeed. Also, caring for each other is manifested spontaneously.

Boredom? It occurs even when I do my best to serve more than 10 organizations in their Board of Trustees, assist in doing domestic chores, listen to the news, and do advocacy work. I grasped it and said that if I feel this way I am not different from the young ones who frequently say they are bored. And then I found the answer. Before, there was work to do which was fulfilling. Now, there is extra time because of the absence of the full-time job. Shouldn’t you be thankful instead because you have a companion at home to do your household work? You could eat without cooking, nor to clean the house, nor to wash clothes nor to tend to the garden. Be grateful and do more! This led me to use some minutes of my time after mass to clean the grotto of our parish, Our Lady of Lourdes. Some other parishioners followed suit and behold the grotto is clean and hopefully inviting. I myself already developed the habit of passing by the grotto before going home thanking the Lord for my 80 years! This is followed by the greening of the yard of the GKK chapel which I follow-up daily for watering and weeding. No more boredom., only thanksgiving and service to the Lord! I am still waiting when I could spend quality time grand parenting in Laguna with my apos.

Iris, Riza and Josh

Most of all, prayer life has deepened. The early rising is followed by a minimum of 3 novenas to Our Lady of Lourdes, to the Holy Spirit and for the souls in Purgatory. Then Mass is heard, ideal for a 20-minute walking exercise, and the Rosary at home in the evening. My bond with my sisters which started so strongly when we were still young grew stronger. Since they are in Metro Manila, we video chat weekly. This, they appreciate. I also started some months ago my reaching out advocacy to other relatives and friends who may need a listening ear and who may want to hear some soothing words too. This I do daily by scrolling through the Messenger and Facebook. This reaching out might be giving me more joy than the joy of those I am relating with.

Daily, I tell myself to make life easier for others or make them happier. No gossip, only stories ending with what we could do to help. No more getting angry; people discern when words are gentle so that they can change for the better. A lot of affirmation. But when asked for an honest opinion, say the truth to help, not just to hurt. Live simply. Whatever you do not use for a year does not belong to you anymore. You must give them away. Do not forget to provide for the tithe, ahead of other requirements. The resources we have are God’s, not ours. Our Church has basic needs, too.

Several of us openly talk that we are just some years away from the end of the earthly life. Hence, we talk that each act we do should make us closer to the One who owns our life. We pray that it be peaceful and welcomed by both us and our Creator.

Alleluia!

(Dr. Ma. Iris Melliza is currently a BOT member of several educational institutions and NGOs. She is a former President of the Holy Cross of Davao College for 18 years and former Directress of the Assumption College of Davao for 20 years. She is a parishioner of Our Lady of Lourdes Parish.)