Teaching Kids Self-Discipline
Are you familiar with a scenario where a child is having a tantrum in a toy store because the parent won’t give in to the demands of the child for a particular toy or thing? This is a very embarrassing situation for the adult companion of the child. How should we avoid this scenario? Well, as a parent we should restrain ourselves from being angry by practicing the art of self-discipline. To do this, we have to put our children’s best interest before our self and restrain impulses. One should also learn to say no and mean it. Matthew 5:37 says “Say ‘Yes’ when you mean yes and say ‘No’ when you mean no. Anything else you say comes from the devil” is a good principle for parents to ponder upon.
As children test parent’s patience and learn that they can get away to get a no changed to yes, then it becomes easy for children to get what they want. If this happens, we are not doing a favor for our children. We should learn to say no to them so that they too will learn to say no if they are facing temptations like taking alcohol, drugs, engaging in premarital sex and undertaking dangerous situations later in life.
Children look up to parents, so we must set a good example to them. How we react to a particular situation that needs self-control or self-discipline will lead to a better child-parent relationship. Moreover, children will become more responsible persons in the future.
Below are some ways for parents to teach kids the art of self-discipline by Amy Morin, LCSW in her article 8 Ways to Teach Kids Self-Discipline Skills:
- Provide Structure
Create a similar schedule every day and your child will get used to the routine. When she knows what she’s supposed to be doing, she’ll be less likely to get derailed by other activities.
Keep your child’s routines simple. And with practice, your child will learn to implement the routine without your assistance.
- Explain the Reason Behind Your Rules
When it comes to helping kids learn how to make healthy choices, an authoritative approach is best because it helps kids understand the reasons for the rules.
Instead of saying, “Do your homework now because I said so,” explain the underlying reason for the rule. Say, “It’s a good choice to do your homework first and then have free time later, as a reward for getting your work done.”
A quick explanation about why you think certain choices are important can help your child understand choices better.
- Give Consequences
Sometimes, natural consequences can teach some of life’s greatest lessons.
At other times, kids need logical consequences. A child who plays too rough with his mother’s computer might learn to be gentler when he loses his computer privileges. Or a child who has trouble getting up in the morning may need an earlier bedtime that night.
It’s important to avoid power struggles. Trying to force your child to do something won’t teach self-discipline.
Explain what the negative consequences will be if your child makes a poor choice. Then, let your child make the choice.
Keep in mind that he needs to learn how to make healthy decisions on his own, by examining the potential consequences of his behavior.
- Shape Behavior One Step at a Time
Self-discipline is a process that takes years to hone and refine. Use age-appropriate discipline strategies to shape behavior one step at a time.
Instead of expecting a 6-year-old to suddenly be able to do his entire morning routine without any reminders, use a picture chart on the wall that depicts someone combing his hair, brushing his teeth, and getting dressed. You can even take pictures of your child doing these activities and create your own chart.
Any time your child is learning a new skill or gaining more independence, help him do so one small step at a time.
- Praise Good Behavior
Provide positive attention and praise whenever your child demonstrates self-discipline. Point out the good behavior you want to see more often.
Sometimes good behavior goes unnoticed and giving kids praise for making good choices increases the likelihood that they’ll repeat that behavior.
Even saying, “Great job putting your dish in the sink when you were done eating,” can encourage a repeat performance.
- Teach Problem-Solving Skills
Teach problem-solving skills and work together to problem-solve specific issues related to self-discipline.
Sometimes, asking kids what they think would be helpful can be an eye-opening experience that can lead to creative solutions.
There may be a fairly simple solution to a behavior problem. A child who struggles to get dressed in time for school may benefit from having her outfit picked out the night before. Setting a timer for five minutes might also keep her on task.
More complex problems may require a series of trial and error type interventions.
A teenager who isn’t getting his homework done may need several changes before he becomes more motivated to get his work done on his own. Try removing a privilege. If that doesn’t work, try having him stay after school to see if he can get it done before he comes home.
Keep trying different solutions until you can find something that works while keeping him involved in the process.
- Model Self-Discipline
Kids learn best by watching adults. If your child sees you procrastinating or choosing to watch TV instead of doing the dishes, he’ll pick up on your habits.
Make it a priority to model self-discipline. Pay attention to areas where you might struggle with discipline.
Perhaps you spend too much money, eat too much, or lose your temper when you’re angry. Work on those areas and make it clear to your child that you seek to do better.
- Reward Good Behavior
A reward system can target specific behavior problems. A preschooler who struggles to stay in his own bed at night may benefit from a sticker chart to motivate him. An older child who struggles to do his homework on time and get his chores done may benefit from a token economy system.
Reward systems should be short-term. Phase them out as your child begins to gain self-discipline.
Keep in mind that there are plenty of rewards that don’t cost money. Use extra privileges, like electronics time, to motivate your child to become more responsible.
Hope you find the above ways helpful.
“By constant self-discipline and self-control you can develop greatness of character.” – Grenville Kleiser
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