Advent and the Sin of Gossip

The liturgical color for Advent is purple like Lent because Advent is a season of deep silence as we await the birth of the Messiah, Jesus Christ. We Catholics are called to look into our lives where we can do some honest soul-searching and cleansing to prepare a room for His birth in us. But are we willing to seriously get into it or do we try to distract ourselves from it by getting into the busy Christmas holiday preparations, parties, and shopping for gifts?

I have been mulling about friends, whether in person or from posts on Facebook, who are suffering from being victims of the sin of gossip. And I seriously thought of what it was like for the Blessed Mother Mary when at a young age was betrothed to the elderly Joseph. The Archangel Gabriel appeared to her and delivered a message from God that she was going to bear a Son, and His name will be “The Son of the Most High” (Luke 26:1-35, RSV), the Savior of the world. And I could not help but think that after she accepted the Lord’s invitation, the Archangel immediately departed without preparing her for what she would encounter throughout her life… joy, fear, humiliation, isolation, and sorrow?

In a little town of Nazareth, how would Mary explain the mystery of her pregnancy to her parents, saints Joachim and Anne? How would she tell her betrothed Joseph? Would they have believed her right away? And what about the townspeople… would the itchy tongues be appeased? And the account went on to say that Mary went to help her cousin Elizabeth who in her old age (and ridiculed as well) was awaiting the birth of saint John the Baptist who would herald and proclaim the coming of the Son of God (Luke 26:36-38, RSV). Both of them were tied together to the same secret of God’s purpose for their sons. Both of them found comfort and reassurance from each other and could move on despite the ridicule and gossips.

We are not new to the “Itchy Tongue” syndrome, whether we are the gossipers or victims; all of us have gone through this. We cannot relieve the itchy tongue unless we spill out some beans about others, most often, people we envy. And we always think that what we reveal is really just innocuous. But we present ourselves as the victim of such a beautiful person, a wealthy individual, a talented or an intelligent human being, who makes us feel unworthy. The truth is: whatever we detest in them are the very things that are in us!

In an article some years back, Msgr. Charles Pope named and described the different Sins of Gossip as follows:

1. Reviling – dishonoring a person, usually to their face, and often in the hearing of others. It is done openly, audibly and is usually rooted in anger and personal disrespect. It may include name-calling, caricature, profanity and even cursing (which will also be treated later). For the most part, we do not consider reviling to be a form of gossip per se, (since gossip is usually conducted apart from the offended person and reviling to their face). But reviling is a sin of speech that ought to be mentioned here, since it is annexed to the general dishonor and harming of the reputation of others that is at the heart of gossip. Reviling as such is intended to cause personal embarrassment or dishonor.
2. Backbiting – Generally we call this today, “talking behind someone’s back.” Backbiting is the secret and quiet injuring of a person’s good name to others. Here the key point is that the injured person is not present either to defend or clarify what is said. There are two forms of backbiting that St. Thomas distinguishes:
   1. Calumny – which is telling lies about someone behind their back. The written form of this is called slander.
   2. Detraction – which is passing on harmful truths about others. What is said is true, but is not necessary information to be shared, and the information has the effect of diminishing a person’s reputation or harming their good name before others. For example, it may be true that Joe has a drinking problem, but it is not necessary information to share.

      There may be times when it is important to share certain truths about others because it is necessary information but such information should be shared only by those who need to know it for a just cause. Further, the information must be certainly true and not merely hearsay. Finally, only the necessary information should be shared, avoiding a full rendering of everything you ever wanted to know about Joe.

3. Tale-Bearing – also called tale whispering – This may sound like backbiting, but St. Thomas makes a distinction here. Whereas a backbiter seeks to harm the reputation of another absent person, the tale bearer seeks to stir up trouble and arouse people to action against a person. Perhaps he seeks to have others end professional, business, or personal relationships with the one gossiped about. Perhaps his goal is to incite angry responses toward him, or even violence. Perhaps too, some legal action is the desired outcome. But the tale-bearer seeks to incite some action against the one he gossips about, hence it goes further than the harming of reputation, to include the harming of relationships, finances, legal standing, and so forth.
4. Derision – is making fun of a person, perhaps of their mannerisms, perhaps of a physical trait, or personal quality. While some of this can be light-hearted, it often strays into hurtful and humiliating actions or words that diminish someone else’s standing or honor within the community.
5. Cursing – a spoken wish or command that another person be afflicted with some evil or harm. This may or may not be spoken to their face. Here too we see a dishonoring of a person in the presence of others. The usual goal is to incite from others, anger and dishonor towards the injured person. The cursing of a person is considered in the realm of gossip, whereas the cursing of irrational things is considered merely vain or futile speech, though not wholly sin-free.

We put others down to make ourselves appear higher and we enjoy getting the attention of people who salivate over another person’s destruction. We indulge in cheap glory. Hence, it may be worthwhile to put to heart Socrates’ Triple Filter Test before we allow someone to share with us some “juicy” information about someone else: The story runs:

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“Well, no,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now, let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about my friend, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left—the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

This Advent, let us prepare our hearts and open a clean room for Jesus’ coming. If tempted to “scratch our itchy tongue,” let us try to take a moment and ask ourselves: Is it true? Is it good? Is it kind? Is it useful? and Is it necessary?

Let us all strive to open the door of our hearts to Jesus who is ever present in each one of us. Let us hail the birth of Jesus in each other’s heart. Let us have a most blessed Advent! (Dolly Banzon)