Filling the Box

Michelle and Nicol celebrated their 17th anniversary in Bangkok, Thailand last month.

There are people who get married expecting marriage will bring them to a better life – a better future; that things will get easier; that their problems will be solved and that they will live happily ever after – just like in fairy tales. Wrong.

Actually, marriage, at the beginning, is like an empty box. There is nothing inside. It is the husband and the wife who will fill it through their years of togetherness. Each time they will love and care for each other, respect and uphold each other, forgive and serve each other, and do other lovely things together, the box gets filled. And the goal is as they celebrate their milestone anniversary, the box would be so full, that the couple couldn’t even close it. That is my husband Nicol’s and my goal.

We have been blissfully married for 17 years now (and counting!) and as his wife, my guiding scripture passage is Eph. 5:22-24: “wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church…” There is so much wisdom in submitting to my husband. It has promoted unity in our marriage, which I believe is key for the two of us to be able to do things together harmoniously. To submit to my husband doesn’t mean that I don’t have a voice in our marriage – that my opinion doesn’t matter at all! I simply “submit” to my husband’s God-appointed “mission” and uphold his being the priest, provider, governor and protector of our family. Hence, not a day goes by that I fail to pray for Nicol to be able to carry-out this call. I believe that part of my duties as a wife is to pray for my husband, so that each time he makes a decision for the family, “maluwag sa kalooban ko” to accept it, knowing that I have entrusted him to God’s wisdom. Nicol and I belong to a Catholic community, the Holy Trinity Community. Here, with our brothers & sisters in Christ, we are able to love and serve the Lord together.

Being in a community has definitely helped made our marriage more meaningful and solid. As part of our community way of life, we have what we call a “husband and wife meeting.” Once a week, we go out on a date and talk about family concerns, plans and schedules – all for the betterment of our family.

Through the years, I have learned to trust and uphold my husband, knowing that we have a common goal: to make our marriage work for the glory of God. I believe marriage is a plan of God and is not a competition between the husband and wife. Therefore, “magkakampi kami ni Nicol.” If there is a competition, it is to outdo each other in doing good for each other.

For a marriage to work, it takes continuous effort to show love for one another. Presently, Nicol and I are undergoing “8 Dates to a Better Marriage,” sponsored by our community. Here, with other couples, we listen to talks designed to keep our love and passion for our spouse “burning.” It is appreciating and falling in love with our spouse all over again. And with that, fingers-crossed, our box will be filled to the brim!