My Journey to Widowhood (Part 2 of 8)

Then it happened.

I went to the emergency room which is a small room. My husband was on a bed. I went to him immediately. I held him and told him I have already arrived.

When he heard my voice, he opened his eyes. That gave me the idea that he was still able to hear me.

My instinct was telling me that he is serious and I did not waste any moment to prepare him to be with the Lord and to assure him not only of our love, but of not to be worried of me and the two children. At that time, Riza, my daughter was just 21 and the brother, 19 years old, was still in college.

My first decision is to remove his anxiety. I assured him of my love for him. I was telling him that we thank the Lord for having given us our family, the children and a happy family.

Sensing that he was sinking, I started praying with him the perfect act of contrition, and later, resigned to God’s will. While I was talking to him, the nurses attending to him started to cry and I had to hum songs so the nurses would stop their small cries so Joe would not be affected.

At that time, the room was quiet I can feel the isolation.

From a short distance, music could be heard from a radio, playing the popular song of the period which was “Beautiful Girl.” That’s why that song is memorable to me. While I was praying with him, I was touching him and arranging his shirt. He was no longer responding to resuscitation.

Finally, the doctor came and pronounced him dead. That was 12:05, October 16.

* * * * * *

Hours after Joe was pronounced dead, his co-employees were very helpful in attending to funeral needs wishing at the same time that it was just a nightmare. My mind was trying to understand why it happened.

My husband refused all the benefits of medical exams given them in spite of my prodding all those years. He was almost a chain smoker and he drank several cups of coffee every day; again, against our discussion that this was an abuse. I guess since these were not as blatant as other vices, the persistence to nag him on these were not maximized.

I break the monotony of my thoughts and focused on how to tell the death of Joe to our children and to my in-laws. The most consoling ideas came to my mind: The Lord giveth; the Lord taketh.

The Lord is the creator and owner of us all. He made my husband. He loves him definitely more than I love him. By repeating these to myself and believing them, my sorrow was lessened. (Ma. Iris Melliza)