10 things 2014 taught me

For those who are familiar with this, yes, I took inspiration in writing this article from Lucy Torres-Gomez. She wrote a column for a daily about the ‘12 things 2013 has taught me’ which I read every now and then mostly during those times that I need a respite from all the demands of daily living.

I wrote this on a Sunday, December 28, feast of the Holy Family. I hope the following lessons will inspire you as much as I was inspired by the article of the lady legislator. I know I can’t be at par with her experiences and reflection but I’m sure there will be some who can relate with the doses of inspiration that I got from the year that was.

1. LISTEN MORE THAN YOU SPEAK. The former archbishop of Davao, Archbishop Fernando R. Capalla told me that there’s an Irish saying about the reason why we have two ears and one mouth. It says that God gives us two ears and one mouth so we listen more than we speak. A lot of conflicts happen because everyone wants to be heard but never gives chances to listen and let others speak. A blog I read says about the so-called ‘Position Defending’. People who say there is a communication issue in the workplace are often referring to people defending their position. People who argue are mostly defending their position to an issue than listen to both sides of the story.

According to Stephen Covey who wrote about The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

And I say this: even to the worst person you encounter, it’s better to just listen and never defend yourself. That in itself is a merit.

2. KEEP YOUR BEST FRIENDS. Apart from family, friends will be the ones who will be with you not only during times of happiness but also during those times that you are at your worst especially those people who treat you as their best and you likewise. In 2014, have met new friends and acquaintances. There are even some friends who have became closer to me that they become like my real brothers and sisters whom I can confide my angst and happiness and I always make it a habit to keep in touch with them online and offline. Relationship with friends and family are nurtured with the time you spend with them but one should always strike a balance—which many find difficult, myself included.

3. MAKE NEW FRIENDS ONLINE AND OFFLINE. I am painfully shy. Yes I am before. I hope I have overcome that. That’s why I find it hard to add someone I know on Facebook. But as years went on, I realized that there may be some of them who share the same sentiment that I have and it will only take a little courage to do the first move which now I frequently do. During gatherings and special occasions, I have also learned to say more hi and hello to friends and acquaintances. I am thankful that majority of my friends online are also friends offline. That said, I still have a lot to catch up with those online friends whom I still haven’t met offline.

4. GET WHAT YOU WANT BUT IT SHOULD BE ALSO WHAT YOU NEED. In this age of cutthroat industry of cell phones and other gadgets, everyone wants to have the latest model of cell phone. Some want to have the Iphone 6 or Iphone 6 plus or Samsung Galaxy Note 4. While the industry thrives through the willingness and ability to own the latest gadget, you will only defeat your gadget’s purpose if your activities are only limited to call and text, and browsing the internet over wi-fi. Those models I mentioned are meant for mobile data, which is quite expensive and buying them will also mean more expenses for phone bills or prepaid load. If there’s a chance you can get the latest gadget, work hard and earn enough to buy it but be certain of your needs. In my case, after our TV broke down, I wanted to have to buy a TV so I can still watch news. Though I wanted to buy the latest flat screen model, I have to be realistic with my ability to buy and my need so I opted to buy a surplus TV (made in Japan). Anyway, it still served its purpose.

Aside from cell phones and gadgets, it also applies to other things we want. If you buy a new item, ask yourself first: am I going to really use this or will it only be consuming more storage space or will this thing just be put on display?

5. GRATITUDE KEEPS YOU HUMBLE. Expressing our gratitude through ‘thank you’s’ will remind us that no one is complete and rich enough not to receive anything from others. A simple favor or a big one extended to us will keep us grounded, reminding us that we too need a little or a big help from others. The saying no man is an island still holds true today. All the things and favors received should not only end to us, the recipients. We too should also do our share of extending our material and non-material help to others, especially to those who can’t pay us in return—the least and the lost.

6. HEALTH WILL ALWAYS BE WEALTH. TAKE CARE OF IT. All the success we reap will be futile if our health is at stake. One thing I learned from Kris Aquino after she was rushed to the hospital when she was not feeling well but decided to report for work, is that having a good work ethic is good but if one’s health is at risk, then it’s not worth it. I also experienced endangering my health when my blood pressure went up due to unknown reasons. I had my laboratory check-up and everything is normal. I realized that I have loaded myself with too much concerns and anxieties, added with a relationship and dealings with toxic persons, that my health has taken its toll. Our life and health will always be wealth. It can never be replaced so take care of it. Now, I’m on my way to learning how to unload myself from all the anxieties and distancing from dealings and relationships with toxic persons greatly helps.

7. SOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE KEPT. Secrets are no longer secrets once they are revealed. As a reporter, I have to be careful about information that’s off-the-record so that I will not be risking the integrity of my profession or the safety of the source. In personal relationships or even in professional ones, keeping one’s mouth silent on issues asked from you will mean freedom from guilt unless public safety is at stake. When I was in college, I was a confidant of some of my classmates. Today, I am also a confidant to most of my friends. Through their experiences, I learn to be more discerning in my decisions. Again there is more wisdom in listening more than speaking much since you are able to keep things to yourself than blurt out words that can be detrimental to your sanity.

8. BE READY, ESPECIALLY FOR THE WORST. While I am not expressing pessimism here, I just want to convey that there are things that happen that don’t follow what we have planned whether it’s plan A, B or C. If we have done all our preparations the best we can and all else fails, then let go and let God. All things happen not because of our own doing but it is God’s will. Let’s just let Him do the rest.

May 1, I lost two phones. And on Aug 23, I lost another one. When I lost the first two, it was a painful experience that I felt I cannot move past it. I thought that experience is the worst until the time when I lost the third phone. After it happened, I just prayed to God to please spare me from the same feeling of pain when I lost the two phones. And he did. While I am at fault partly for the lost of the three phones, I realized that I have been lacking in guarding and securing my valuables. At least, I learned from those experiences.

In every failure that we had that we perceive as the worst, accept the result and learn from the experience. At least we can play the game better next time. I once heard a homily from a priest about the people’s sense of history saying, doomed is he who commits the same mistakes done in the past. I hope to become a better person in avoiding the same mistakes.

9. BE TRUE. KNOW YOURSELF MORE. I’ve been through different heated arguments before with the other party telling me labels I’ve never thought I would hear about me. There were times that I almost believed what was said of me. When I asked other friends if they see the same things about me, they say a totally different thing about me and those labels are not me. Through daily reflection and self-examination, I realized that those labels of me are totally wrong. I may have lapses in my actions and in my being but labels are unfair descriptions of me.

Realizing that, I made a decision that no matter where I am, I have to be true to myself no matter what. Being true to one’s self frees you from all pretensions and fake personas.

Though what other people think of me is none of my business, but that experience taught me how to be more aware of one’s self and actions. Our actions indeed speak louder than our words so we have to be extra careful because what is understood is sometimes different from what is meant.

10. PRAYER IS A DIALOGUE. PRAY. IT GETS ANSWERED. Prayer is not only telling God what you feel, what you need and what you want to thank for. Like talking to a friend, prayer is a dialogue with God. We need to discern his answers to our prayers that’s why we have to take time to listen to what God wants to tell us in the silence of our hearts.

This article also inspired Dr. Cheryl Vilog, a good friend of mine to make her own list which she posted ahead on Facebook right after our conversation on that day when I told her I’m drafting this article for the New Year.