Devil Unemployed

St. Michael surveyed the premises of heaven carefully. Satisfied that everything was in place, he decided to check on the angels on earth.

“These guys are having a tough time these days,” Michael told himself. “With the recent global events, many people are just forgetting God and His love for them. And to top it all, it’s summer!”

When he arrived he was surprised to see a line of devils filing in front of a building. Michael noticed that Satan at the top of the line impatiently stomping his hooves on the hot pavement.

“Hi, Luci, what’s up ?” Michael greeted him.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the golden boy himself!”

“If you’re thinking of lining up, the line starts there,” he pointed to the even longer line of fuming devils.

“Ah, no thanks, but I was just wondering why you’re all here?”

“Isn’t it obvious angel boy? We’re lining up for a job!” Satan gave Michael the evil eye look.

“Unemployed…?” Michael asked.

“Looks pretty much like that,” the devil grinned. “As things are here on earth, every demon’s losing his job ‘coz people don’t need them anymore to fall into sin.”

“You’re joking…right?”

“Oh, I definitely am not. It used to be that the devil, the world and the flesh were the main enemies of man. But now the world has gotten to a point of sowing more occasions for man to sin even without us needing to suggest things to him. And man’s flesh has been tenderized by the world to a point that he succumbs to the slightest corporeal whim…”

“But…,” Michael said.

“Tut, tut, don’t interrupt….”

“…you were saying….”

“I was actually getting to your point, angel boy. We aren’t totally out of the scene. Let’s just say things are a bit too easy for us. I guess we just have to enjoy the ‘sinnery’ until harvest time?” the Devil winked at Michael.

The archangel did not lose his composure and smiled.

“Hey, golden boy, what are you smiling for?”

“I was just thinking that you guys are leaving the playing field to us then?”

“Oh, no, definitely not!” The devil snorted. “We’re still very much on the guard in case some souls start to have some conversion stirrings.”

“Then what?”

“That’s where we come in! To sow discouragement, despair, and to give the usual subtle excuses why they should not even think of trying to improve or go back to God.”

“Aren’t you getting a little soft, Luci?”

“Not at all, angel boy. I’m just refining techniques based on centuries of experience. I allow some spark of hope to grow in the person…then I dash it to the ground. That way, it’s more difficult for him to recover and simply decides to return to his old ways.”

“Then you’re not really that ‘unemployed’ after all,” Michael concluded.

“I guess not…,” the Devil agreed.

“So what’s the line for in front of a disco house?”

“Oh, you’re really out of the loop, aren’t you? The disco closed down a few months ago….”

“And you’re hoping to be hired as the cleaning crew?”

“Nope! We have just been informed that this joint is going to be converted into a new church…”

“Wow, isn’t that great?” Michael said.

“Not for us it is!”

“So what are you lining up for outside?”

“Oh, the bishop’s going to bless the place, then consecrate an altar and say the first mass inside…today!”

“You’re not saying that you’re planning to attend.”

“Not so! Never in my life…!” Lucifer shrieked.

“…and the line?”

“Inside is new employment for us…the real job of distracting people from the Mass, prayer, sacrifice, fraternal love and above all forgiveness…,” Satan hissed. “And you’ve arrived a bit too late… the line’s end start there,” he pointed with his grimy crooked index finger.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Michael said.

“What? You’re not taking up this challenge golden boy?”

“I don’t have too…,” he smiled.

“And why not?” the Devil was puzzled.

“My angels arrived earlier than you did! In fact, Mass has just started guys. I was just delaying you!”

“You haven’t beaten me yet,” Lucifer roared and disappeared in a cloud of dark smoke with his devils.

Michael peeked into the newly established church. Everything was in peaceful order. His angels we all busy helping the people inside pray the Mass.

As Michael flew back to heaven, he pondered, “I wonder if Luci even knows how to read? If so, I wonder if he also understands what the book of Apocalypse tells:

 “War broke out in heaven; Michael and his angels battled against the dragon. The dragon and its angels fought back, but they did not prevail and there was no longer any place for them in heaven. The huge dragon, the ancient serpent, who is called the Devil and Satan, who deceived the whole world, was thrown down to earth, and its angels were thrown down with it. (Rev 12:7–12ab)”